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Resolutions are for hppies - I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less. -Eddie Izzard

About Resolutions are for hppies

Previous Entry Resolutions are for hppies Jan. 5th, 2008 @ 07:30 pm Next Entry
The title is the kind of thing my former roommate Jonlewis would say. Suffice it to say he is not a fan of hippies.

Well it is a New Year. Happy 2008. I think I was ready for this year before it came. I almost wrote in 08 to date some notes at work instead of 07 sometime last night. Well, maybe not. That might have happened, but I don't quite remember. But it sets the tone for how I feel. i was already ready for this year. We're choosing a new president. There is all of this temporary hope in the air for things that have the possibility of changing.

But I keep getting back to variations on "Nothing worth having is easy." I keep forgetting that lesson. Jobs, internships, friends, education, money, health, love. None if it is supposed to come easy. Its like cheating in video games (something I used to do quite a lot and still do occasionally). Sure every now and then if the game is hard or if you don't want to take up so much time figuring out how to trade weevils for cannons or whatever then cheating can help you see what the end result would look like. What happens when you win if you were to honestly play the game. But then when its over after cheating you (as in the collective you) feel like it was somewhat of a waste. But when you honestly, fully play out and complete a board game, card game, or video game, there's a measure of satisfaction. I actually accomplished something myself, without any help. Sure, collecting 7,000 gold coins in Mario may not mean anything in real physical terms, but its still an honest accomplishment. You worked to do it, and achieved it despite any headstomping obstacles in the way.

Part of growing up and becoming mature is realizing that doing the easier, lazy thing is not really worth it. its not as fun. During school i could always retreat into the shell of knowing that there is always another class to try out, another exam to help make up for a bad one. BUt now that I'm partially in the real world things aren't so easy.I can't cheat as much, and thats good. But it can also be hard. This year will bring plenty more challenging things for me to accomplish. Finding new jobs/internships while making enough money to help support myself. Working towards the grad school goal. learning more about how the real politics world works without letting myself get despondent or cynical (fortunately i have a nice big well of optimism and idealism, despite the odds). Finding another someone to be with. Making time to be with loved ones and friends.

I'm not making any resolutions on what I promise myself i will do but if they don't happen i can say "Oh well, there' always next year. Not for these things. I will get them done. Its not a vague attempt that depends on my commitment to doing this or that. Its a dedication. I will find a new job/internship and move towards grad school. I will find someone (or some people, eh eh? :-p). I will have plenty of fun with friends. Not because i wish it or hope it. But because i will make it happen.

When I used to hang out with home friends when on break from school we used to go through hours waiting for people to get back to us, to figure out what to do. I'm bored, what should we do. i don't know, I'm up for anything, what do you want to do. I dunno, what about you? I sometimes got a little frustrated or annoyed that we couldn't or wouldn't decide (not that Staten Island offers the best choices of teenage or early 20s hang out options). Eventually I felt like I made the decisions or made the leap to help really make the decision. Why didn;t other people do that? At school a lot of time I could be loose and easygoing and others had real convictions what they wanted to do for fun, to hang out. At home I was forced to become that person.
In real life, I can't be my college persona. Not anymore.
I have to have convictions. The conviction that i can and will get the job. I will get the work done. I will get the girl. We will go out bowling or to that bar for pool and the table shuffleboard-type game.

I am not resolving to do these things. I will. Watch out, world, I'm coming. Whether its easy or not.

PS: meaningless prediction. Obama will wop Clinton in New Hampshire by between 3 and 10 points. Then go on to beat her in South Carolina. After that, who knows.
PSS: no more disappointed or discontent or frustrated lj moods for me. I'm just determined to get the job done. (job=everything)
Current Location: D.C.
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: A probable scammer calling my cell
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